New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
