Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
