gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
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