I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
