we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
