chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
