Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
