She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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