Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
