the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
