You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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