i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
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