so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
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