i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul