sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick