I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
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If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
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The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.