Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
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i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.