I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..