At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!