You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
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