If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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