I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
