I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
