I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
