i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
