omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Randomize
