So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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