The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I fill condoms, not promises.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Randomize
