i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
