he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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