Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
