I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
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I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
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I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
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