And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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