Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
