hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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