So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
