Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
