I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
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