I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
