I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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