I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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