Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
