Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
