I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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