How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Randomize
