"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
