He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
