Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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