Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
