upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
