if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
