i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
