Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
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Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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