I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
