Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
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