Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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