i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
