He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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