he looks like a really good dad on facebook
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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