my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
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