I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
