Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
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