it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
