i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
