She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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