hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
