Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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