Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
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