Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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