brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
