never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
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I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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