oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
