Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
