it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Randomize
