everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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