He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
