She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
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