4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
