I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Randomize
