I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
