I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
