We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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