I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
