At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
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