Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
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