I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
