I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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