he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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